How to Help Your Child Transition to Kindergarten or Preschool

We read through eight expert sources to boil down their advice for parents of children starting a new school. The biggest piece of advice? Routine.

By Meghan McCarthy

The main takeaways for this guide take 1 minute to read. It contains information from eight sources, including NAEYC and Health and Human Services. See the full list below.

This guide will be updated again in September 2021. Know something we should add? Email us.

Summer is just starting, but with schools eager to get back to in-person classes to make up for lost time, the start of the next school year often isn’t too far behind.

If you have a child headed to in-person school for the first time, be it preschool or kindergarten, or to a new school in general, we rounded up advice from eight places on how to make that easier.

The most common pieces of advice were…

Get to know your child’s teacher, daily schedule, and school layout, and then tell your child about them. Experts emphasized that little kids are creatures of habit and transitions are generally hard for them. The more information and concrete preparation you can give them, the better.
Goodbyes can be the hardest part, so establishing a routine there can be very helpful. And that can include giving your child a lovey, stuffed animal, or other item they can hold when they are sad and miss you.
Don’t expect full details about your child’s day and specific information on their friends at the preschool or kindergarten stage. An easier question is asking your child to tell you about their classmates.
Most experts also recommended reading books with characters going to school for the first time to get your child familiar with the idea. (And we rounded up a big list of recommended books here). Several also recommended creating a simple book with your child where you make them the main character in a story about going to school.

Read more below to get deeper explanations on each of these items.

Kindergartens running down hallway with bookbags — Image via Shutterstock

How to Help Your Child Learn the New Routine (And Why It Matters)

The Child Mind Institute explains that children tend to struggle with transitions in general, even for more routine things (for example, transitioning away from the playground to home.)

Michael Rosenthal, a clinical neuropsychologist, explains that kids may not want to transition “because they like consistency and routine and structure.” Rosenthal told Child Mind Institute one way to address that is to start “building in consistency and routine and structure into the transition process itself.”

And building routine around the transition from home to a new classroom for most experts starts with learning and then explaining what their daily schedule will look like, who their teacher is, and the general layout of the school (most importantly, including bathrooms!)

Rachel Busman, a clinical psychologist at the institute, recommended going to the school several times before school starts and to walk the halls if possible (a challenge, of course, during the COVID era) when you drop off a form.

“Any opportunity for exposure, for repetition, for mastery is going to help her do what we call ‘coping ahead,’ ” Dr. Busman notes.

And Julia Luckenbill, writing for the National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC) recommends reviewing the daily schedule with your child and using pictures if possible to “help your child ‘tell time.’”

The Zero to Three Foundation also focused on explaining new routines as a way to help your child return to the classroom post-COVID. They recommended using pretend play with your child to go through the new routines:

“Take turns being the parent, child, and teacher. Act out common daily routines, like saying good-bye to mommy and/or daddy, taking off your coat, singing songs, reading stories, having Circle Time, and playing outside.”

Several experts also recommended shifting to any new bedtime and wake-up time at least two weeks before school begins, so your child can adjust to the new schedule.

How to Help If Your Kid Is Sad or Cries When You Leave

The hardest part about this new routine for parents and kids can be saying goodbye, of course, and missing one another throughout the day. Most experts recommended establishing a goodbye routine that includes reassuring your child you will see them later, and mentions a specific time and activity. For example, saying you will pick up the child that afternoon and you will go to the park afterwards.

Several sources recommended giving your child a special stuffed animal or lovey, a photo, or another item that they can hold when they are sad and miss you.

And Julia Luckenbill’s article also recommends talking about feelings, and that its okay to feel sad or even angry at parents for leaving. She says not to shame your child for feeling sad or scared, and that “strong feelings are normal.”

Asking the Questions Your Child Can Answer About Their Day

Another NAEYC article, written by Prof. Janis Strasser, explains that kids going to preschool and kindergarten aren’t going to be able to recall every detail of their day for you. She recommends asking what the most fun thing of the day was, and follow that up with a question about the hardest thing.

The Child Mind Institute also recommends that parents listen seriously to any anxiety your child might have about going to school, and recommends in this article not to dismiss their fears but to acknowledge them.

Strasser also cautions against focusing on how many friends your child has made, as this is “too abstract for most 5-year-olds and their friends change by the minute.” Instead, she recommends asking your child to tell you about some of the children in their class.

Sources

11 Ways to Help Children Say Goodbye | NAEYC

13 Tips for Starting Preschool | NAEYC

Back-to-School Anxiety | Child Mind Institute

Helping Children with Transitions | Child Behavior Problems | Child Mind Institute

How Can We Help Kids With Transitions? | Child Mind Institute

Transitioning to Kindergarten | NAEYC

What Comes Next: Back to Child Care Following Shelter-in-Place • ZERO TO THREE

Your Child Is Going to Kindergarten: Making the Move Together | ECLKC (hhs.gov)

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