We cover everything in this comprehensive guide.

Whether you’re eager to get back to work or your heart breaks at the thought of leaving your child, going back to work is a huge milestone…one that takes a lot of planning and preparation. The biggest task, of course, is finding childcare. If you’re a first-time parent, it’s a lot harder than you may think.

Quality childcare is expensive and, in some parts of the U.S., availability is limited. And that’s before you get into things like finding a provider who respects your parenting style, or finding a center that offers an enriched learning environment instead of just meeting your child’s basic needs. 

If you’re lucky, a friend or co-worker will recommend a facility that meets all of your needs and has space ready for your child. If not, finding childcare will be a bit more challenging, but Maternie’s mission is to make it easier. We can’t tell you what’s most important in choosing a provider, because that’s up to you. But we can outline some of the major factors you should consider when making a decision. We can tell you what to look for (and what to watch out for), which questions to ask, and even what to look for when you tour a facility.

Let’s get started!

Finding your perfect childcare

Step 1: Determine your budget

In a perfect world, finances wouldn’t be the top consideration when choosing someone to care for your baby. But the world isn’t perfect, and starting with your budget in mind can save you a lot of time by narrowing your field of choices. (It can also prevent you from setting your heart on a provider you can’t afford.)

Unfortunately, childcare is extremely expensive. In a survey conducted by Care.com, 70% of responding families said they spent 10% of their income on childcare. And more than 40% of responding families said they spent more than 15% of their income on childcare. To put that in context, the U.S. government defines childcare as “unaffordable” once it tops 7% of family income.

How do these families afford it? By making cuts in other areas: houses, vehicles, clothing, dining out, vacations, etc. For families where both parents have held high-paying jobs, this could be the first time they’ve had to sit down and seriously consider a budget. And it can be quite a challenge!

So, yes, budget should be the first filter you run providers through. If your budget can’t stretch far enough to accommodate a nanny (or you can’t cut enough unnecessary expenses to afford a nanny), for example, then you’ll know to start looking at options like childcare centers.  

Find out if you qualify for assistance

Fortunately, many families qualify for assistance or subsidies to help them pay for childcare. So, before you make a final decision on how much you can afford, check to see if you qualify for any of the following:

• Through the Childcare Development and Block Grant, the federal government gives states money to use in helping lower-income families pay for childcare. While not all providers accept vouchers from this program, the number of participating providers is increasing. Check your state’s website for details.
• Head Start and Early Head Start are federally funded programs that focus on making sure children are school-ready when they start kindergarten. Not all Head Start programs operate full-time, but many partner with other providers to close the gaps. Eligibility is based on income and is determined locally. Start here to learn more about Head Start providers near you and whether or not you meet the eligibility requirements. 
• Childcare Aware is a federally funded program that subsidizes childcare costs for military and Department of Defense employees. Eligibility requirements vary depending on the branch of service, so start here to see if you quality.
• Children with disabilities may be eligible for free public preschool beginning at age 3 under the federal Individuals with Disabilities Education Act. This can be a huge financial relief for families who are already struggling to understand their child’s challenges. If you think your child may be eligible, check with your local school district about beginning the evaluation process. (Note: IDEA also covers children with disabilities from birth to age 3, but it usually involves providing specific services rather than a full-day program that would replace the need for childcare.)
• If your employer offers a Dependent Care FSA, you can set aside pre-tax dollars to pay for childcare. So, while a Dependent Care FSA won’t directly lower the cost of childcare, you won’t owe taxes on the money you use to pay for it. Since the FSA won’t pay your childcare provider directly; you’ll need to file for reimbursement. As with any employer-provided benefit that affects your taxes, you’ll only be able to sign up once per year during annual enrollment. There are other important rules, too, which you can read about here. 

Many states administer their own programs, so make sure to visit your state’s website to see if you qualify for additional assistance. 

Budgeting for childcare is challenging and, for many families, requires making some tough choices. One word of advice? Don’t cut it too close. There will always be extra expenses, like hiring a sitter when your child is too sick to go to your regular daycare center. Or, if you choose to stay home to care for a sick baby and you’re an hourly worker, you won’t get paid for the day. We all want the best care possible for our babies, but build in a little cushion for the days when things don’t go as planned.

Step 2: Identify the type of childcare that best fits your needs.

Once you’ve determined what you can afford to spend on childcare, you should have a better idea of what your options are. Let’s take a closer look at each one.

Nannies

One-on-one nanny care in your own home is a common choice for many parents, especially those with infants. Here are some things to think about if you’re considering hiring a nanny:

What do you expect from a nanny?

It’s important to start by deciding what you want: a nanny who’s at your beck and call whenever you need her, like staying overnight when you go out of town (in that case, consider a live-in nanny), or one who runs out the door as soon as you get home?

What else do you want a nanny to do?

• Have dinner on the table when you get home? Stay and watch the kids while you cook dinner?
• Have the kids fed, bathed, and in their pjs by the time you get home?
• Do laundry, clean the house, etc.?
• Drive your infant to mommy-and-me classes?
• Do the grocery shopping?
• Care for your children when they’re sick?
• Take your child to doctor’s appointments?

Before you start your search for a nanny, it’s very important that you’re clear on what being a nanny means to you. Doing so can save a lot of heartache and miscommunication down the road.

How do you hire a nanny?

Some families get really lucky and are “gifted” a nanny by friends whose children have outgrown that kind of care. The rest of us either work  through an agency or look for Mary Poppins on our own.

Working with an agency

Some agencies act as referral services: You pay a fee, and they send you resumes of people who fit the requirements you specified. It’s up to you to interview them and handle all of the employment details (taxes, worker’s compensation, contracts, insurance, etc.).

Other agencies serve as the actual employer. You pay the agency, not the nanny, and they handle all of those pesky employment details.

Here are a few more details to help you understand which kind of agency you want to work with:

Agency as employer

Many families prefer this arrangement to avoid the responsibilities that go along with being an employer, such as:

• Getting referrals from candidate’s previous employers
• Running background checks
• Verifying a candidate’s immigration status (whether or not they’re legally able to work in the U.S.)
• Drawing up contracts
• Ensuring compliance with your state’s labor laws (like minimum wage requirements)
• Handling tax filings
• Providing insurance coverage and/or worker’s compensation for nannies who get injured on the job

This type of agency may also be able to provide a temporary replacement if your nanny is sick, or even help replace a nanny you’re not happy with. 

You’ll still get to interview as many nannies as you want (see the section below on interviewing nannies) and to make the final decision on who will be caring for your child. But you’ll get to avoid some of the biggest headaches that go along with being an employer.

Agency as referral service

In this situation, you would pay the agency a fee to send you candidates. All other responsibilities of being an employer — like the ones listed above — would fall to you. If you go this route, check your state’s website to make sure you follow all applicable laws, especially when it comes to labor laws and tax filings.

Striking out on your own

Don’t want to work with an agency? No problem. Ask your friends and co-workers, especially those whose youngest child is about to start school. Your pediatrician and the nurses who work in the office may also be able to steer you toward someone spectacular. And then there are options like Craigslist and nanny job boards.

How do you interview a nanny?

Regardless of how the applicants find their way to you, you’ll want to interview them in person. Many parents feel awkward interviewing applicants, especially considering that you’ll be entrusting them with the most important person in your life! I think that’s because it’s so personal. It’s not like hiring an accountant; you’ll be hiring someone to be in your home, caring for your baby every day. Of course, it’s personal!

On the other hand, it can’t get too personal, or you’ll run afoul of employment laws. So I guess it’s not that surprising after all that parents find it stressful.

The “don’t go there” questions

First, let’s cover the kind of questions that can land you in legal trouble. You can’t ask them, and if the applicant brings them up, steer the conversation in another direction:

• Race
• Ethnicity
• Age
• Religion
• Sexual orientation
• Marital status or plans to have children
• Disabilities
• Arrest record

For more information: 5 Interview Questions That are Illegal to Ask

Questions you should ask

The “don’t go there” questions are pretty clear-cut, but the questions you should ask can vary by family. You’ll obviously want to ask about the candidate’s previous experience. After that, think about what’s most important to you, and come up with questions that will give you some insight into how well the candidate matches your priorities. Here’s a great resource for meaningful interview questions:

How to Interview a Nanny: Your Questions Checklist

The ubiquitous “nanny cam”

Cameras are everywhere these days, and most parents probably at least consider installing a few nanny cams throughout their home — just to keep an eye on things, of course. In fact, it’s estimated that, by 2020, 22 million Americans will have connected security devices in their homes.

It’s perfectly natural to want to check on the person who’s caring for your child. But it’s not always legal.

Yes, I’m serious. It comes down to privacy laws. If you plan to use nanny cams, make sure you’re on the right side of the law.

Learn about the laws in your state. In some states, it’s illegal to record a person without their knowledge. And some states treat audio recordings differently from video recordings. (Either way, it’s just plain good manners to give someone a heads-up that they’ll be recorded.)

In addition, be careful where you put the cameras. Most states have laws addressing a “reasonable expectation of privacy.” So you can’t put a camera in the bathroom. And if you’ve agreed to allow your nanny to bring her own infant to work, you shouldn’t put a camera in the room where she’ll be nursing. 

In addition, security cameras are notoriously easy to hack, and clever criminals can use them to access other devices on the same network. So if you let your nanny use your Wi-Fi, and her bank account gets hacked because someone got in through a security camera you installed, would you be liable? It’s an area where laws are lagging behind technology, but it’s something to think about. 

Nanny shares

For families who want the personal service a nanny provides but can’t quite fit it into their budget, “nanny sharing” provides a good alternative: One nanny cares for several children, typically in one home, although some families choose to alternate.

It’s a cost-effective solution, but things can go bad fast if the children don’t get along or if the families disagree on parenting styles. And it doesn’t matter if you’ve been friends since kindergarten — disagreements over children have broken up many a friendship. So if you go this route, it would be smart to put everything in writing. Even if it’s not legally binding, a written agreement can help resolve disputes and put things back on track.

Consider including things like these:

• What portion of the nanny’s salary will each family pay? Will it depend on the number of children? The ages of the children?
• Will each family provide supplies (food, diapers, etc.) for their own children? Or will each family take turns replenishing a central supply?
• What if the families have different schedules? What if one needs care for fewer hours than the other?
• How will the nanny’s vacation be scheduled? Do all families have to agree?
• What will happen if some of the host’s children are sick? Can the other families still bring their children if they choose? Can non-host families bring sick children?
• What activities is the nanny expected to do with the kids?
• How will taxes be handled (and who gets to claim the deductions)?
• Are the families’ needs different enough to need separate contracts?

Remember – no matter how in sync you think you are, things change – and they can change fast when people’s kids are concerned. Save yourself some stress and heartache later by putting things in writing.

In-home daycare and childcare centers

We’ll address these together because, while the type of care differs, a lot of the considerations (like what happens when your kids are sick) are the same.

• In-home daycare: In this arrangement, an individual cares for several children in his or her home. The children’s ages can range from newborn to preschool. In-home daycares can provide a home-like environment that appeals to many parents, especially if they want their child to be cared for in the same place until they start school. It’s an option that’s often far more affordable than daycare centers, sometimes by as much as 50%.
• Childcare centers: These tend to be larger facilities dedicated exclusively to childcare. Depending on their size, they may have several classrooms divided by age, and infants may be separated into “mobile” and “non-mobile” groups to ensure that unsteady toddlers don’t topple onto infants that are still trying to figure out how to roll over.

From that point on, they’re remarkably similar regarding the factors you should consider when making your selection.

Factors to consider when looking at in-home daycares and childcare centers

Licensing

It’s important to choose a licensed childcare provider. This applies to in-home childcare providers as well as to larger childcare centers. While the specific requirements for licensing vary by state, the act of obtaining licensure is a good sign that the provider takes the job seriously enough to do it the right way and knows they’ll be held accountable for meeting the requirements set by the state.

Licensing requirements can include:

• The number of children a provider can care for and what their ages may be
• What information the provider has to give parents (hours of operation, emergency procedures, etc.)
• A requirement that parents tour the facility before enrolling their child
• A requirement that parents can see the professional credentials of all staff members
• A requirement that the provider obtain sufficient liability insurance
• Adult/child ratios for each age group
• Procedures for filing a complaint
• Requirements for notifying parents of any violations

The important thing is to choose a licensed provider. If you want to know more about licensing requirements in your state, you can find that information here.

Hours of operation

Does the provider’s operating schedule meet your needs? And what are their late charges?

If you’ll be cutting it close every day — rushing to get to work on time, cutting meetings short to leave work on time, racing to pick your child up so you don’t incur extra fees, etc. — you may want to consider a provider with more flexible hours. If there’s any doubt, give it a trial run one day before you go back to work. If it’s tight enough to cause anxiety, give a lot of thought to whether you’re willing to live with that every day.

Keep in mind that the operating hours of licensed facilities are often regulated by the state, so don’t expect a lot of flexibility in drop-off and pick-up times. That’s why providers tend to charge up to a dollar per minute for late pick-ups: They don’t want to risk their licensing.

24/7 centers

Strict hours of operating can be a significant burden for the millions of parents who do shift work or who work irregular hours. But 24/7 centers are hard to find — the work is hard, and a profit is never guaranteed because of the unpredictability of parents’ schedules. 

If you don’t have family members (or a nanny) to accommodate your crazy schedule, start looking for care early. If you find a 24/7 center, make sure they’re licensed (and you may want to check to see if your state has different requirements for 24/7 providers than for typical centers.)

With millions of parents working non-standard hours, hopefully we’ll see more 24/7 providers soon. In the meantime, you may have to come up with a piecemeal plan where your child is at a center or with an in-home provider part of the day and is picked up by a college student or babysitter and taken to your home for the rest of your shift. 

Drop-in centers

While nobody likes the idea of leaving your child at a care facility you haven’t thoroughly vetted, sometimes things happen. You get called in to work an extra shift or attend an early meeting. Your nanny gets sick or — worst of all — quits without notice. For parents that don’t have family nearby, drop-in centers can be a lifesaver.

I highly recommend finding your emergency backup before you need it. Prioritize centers that offer regular childcare over facilities that are drop-in only (that guarantees that they’ll have routines and policies in place). Some even offer online reservation, so you can secure a spot for your child several days out if needed. 

And if you’re lucky enough to live somewhere that has multiple drop-in facilities, try to visit and even register with all of them so that you’ll have options in case your favorite is booked.

Visitation policies

If your childcare provider is close to where you work, you might want to drop in to nurse your baby, see what they’re doing, or just get a quick cuddle. Be forewarned that not all providers allow visits for various reasons: security, space, disruption of the normal routine, etc. If visiting your child during the day is important to you, make sure any provider you’re considering allows it.

Location, location, location

This often boils down to whether you’d prefer a provider located close to your home or to your work. They both have pluses and minuses:

Close to home may be better if

• The parents work different schedules or in different parts of the city
• The parents take turns leaving work if the child becomes ill during the day
• One or both parents sometimes works from home
• Your pediatrician is closer to home
• You use public transportation and would prefer to limit your child’s exposure to illness (although even the most immaculate childcare center exposes them to a ton of germs, anyway!).

Closer to work may be better if

• One parent handles most of the drop-off and pick-up routines
• One parent frequently gets stuck late at work (Most providers charge by the minute if you’re late, so adding in the commute could make things quite costly.)
• Your pediatrician is closer to work.
• You plan to pop in to nurse or visit your child during the day 

Vaccination policies

Most licensed facilities follow state guidelines that require children to be vaccinated on schedule. However, all states provide exemptions for health reasons, and some provide exemptions for religious reasons. 

Regardless of where you stand on vaccines, you’ll probably want to know the policies of any childcare provider you’re considering. You can also use this resource to learn more about vaccine laws in your state. 

Educational philosophies

If you’re looking for childcare for your infant, educational philosophy might be the last thing on your mind. But if you’d like your child to remain at the same facility until it’s time to start school, it’s worth thinking about — especially if you have strong feelings about the best way to educate children. 

Let’s take a look at some of the most popular philosophies:

Montessori

Most people have heard of Montessori school, even if they don’t know exactly what it means. The most important thing to know about Montessori schools is that learning is child-directed, with teachers acting as guides and facilitators rather than instructors. Children are encouraged to learn at their own pace, and a single classroom usually includes children of mixed ages. 

Waldorf

Waldorf schools focus on teaching children how to think rather than what to think. Toys are simple, so that children have to use their imaginations. The days themselves, however, have a predictable routine, so that the kids can feel safe exploring and experimenting within predictable boundaries.

Reggio Emilia

Like Montessori and Waldorf schools, Reggio Emilia schools are founded on child-directed learning. Teachers choose curriculum topics based on conversations with the children, so learning is targeted to a group’s interests. There is also a strong focus on project-based learning, so that children can learn the skills they’ll need to work in groups. Teachers act as advisors on the projects, some of which can last the entire school year.

Religious/parochial

As the name implies, religious and parochial schools promote the tenets of a certain faith. Most welcome children of other faiths, but all children receive the same instruction. For very young children, the focus on kindness, community, and service to others is a big draw for parents of any faith, since small differences in beliefs usually don’t come into play until the children are older.

Religious and parochial schools are often cheaper than other care providers, and some even offer financial aid.

“Traditional” 

Not all daycare facilities and preschools adhere to a specific philosophy. Many do what care providers have always done, providing age-appropriate activities (classrooms are typically separated by age), teaching social skills, and encouraging plenty of unstructured play. Some also provide basic academic instruction to help prepare children for kindergarten: ABCs, simple math, etc., but it’s not their core purpose.

Wait lists

Some daycare centers are highly competitive based on their reputation of providing exceptional care. Others are competitive simply because there aren’t enough providers in the area to meet the need for childcare. In both cases, it’s not unusual for some parents to get on the waiting list before their child is even born. (Hint: Babies with older siblings who are already enrolled get priority.)

Don’t turn down a spot on a waiting list because you feel pressured for time. Life is unpredictable — a spot may open up because a family is transferring out of town, for example, or a family may decide it makes more sense for one parent to stay home. 

Depending on your situation, it may be smart to apply to multiple childcare centers (although some facilities try to discourage this by requiring a non-refundable deposit of the first month’s tuition). You may have to pay an application fee and/or a fee to be on the waiting list, so keep that in mind if your budget is tight.

You can read more about the childcare crunch here: Childcare Shortage: Baby Boom, Operating Costs Lead to Waiting Lists.

While the situation described in that article is absolutely true for many areas, it’s not the case everywhere. And you don’t want to be taken advantage of by a childcare facility that’s using high application and “wait list” fees as a secondary revenue stream. So ask around and talk to your friends and co-workers before you spend a small fortune to resolve a problem that doesn’t exist where you live.

Supplies

Some providers supply everything, and some ask you to provide everything your child needs. It’s an important factor to consider when you’re making cost comparisons, so that you don’t go for the cheapest option only to find out that, after you pay for all of the supplies, it’s actually more expensive. 

Some things that providers may expect you to supply include:

• Diapers (How many? Some childcare centers have a policy of changing every hour, whether they need it or not.) And don’t forget wipes and diaper cream.
• Food: If you’re breastfeeding, bringing pumped milk is a no-brainer. But some centers will require you to bring formula, too, in case there’s a power outage and they can’t keep your breast milk cool. And once your child starts eating solids, they may expect you to bring a specific number of meals and snacks. Or they might offer lunch and snacks themselves. 
• Bottles, sippy cups, etc.: Most centers will expect you to provide these items and label them with your child’s name.
• Sheets: Some centers provide sheets or nap mats; others expect you to provide them.
• Clothing changes: Babies spit up and have diaper malfunctions; toddlers spill and get messy. So most providers will ask you to keep several changes of clothes at the center and to replace dirty outfits with clean ones the next day. 

The bottom line: Find out what each provider expects you to bring and make sure to include those items when you’re comparing costs.

Step 3: Make a decision

After poring through so much information, you’re probably ready to stretch your legs. So grab your short list of providers you’re considering and go for a tour! 

Take a tour

Tours are next to useless if you don’t know what you’re looking for (except for the obvious things like safety and cleanliness). Just like a treasure hunt, you’ll be more successful if you have a map and some clues. So here are some tips for successfully touring the different types of child care providers.

Touring in-home providers

Licensed in-home providers turn out to be the perfect fit for a lot of families. The real problem is the number of unlicensed providers who just stumble into “babysitting” instead of treating it like a business. 

So save yourself some time and ask the provider if they’re licensed before you arrange a tour. If they tell you they are licensed, ask to see it before you do anything else. Other things to look for include:

• Is the house clean? Are the children clean? Grubby faces and obviously full diapers should be a red flag.
• Is there a dog in the house? Is the dog separated from the children? If not, is the dog supervised 100% of the time?
• Are the toys age-appropriate? If the children are of mixed ages, how does the provider make sure to keep small, swallowable toys away from the youngest children?
• Is the house properly childproofed: gates in front of stairs, electrical outlets plugged, etc.?
• Notice how the provider interacts with the children. Are they affectionate or impatient? And are the children properly supervised while the provider is busy talking to you?

While you’re looking around, take the time to ask important questions:

• What training does the provider have? (Any childcare provider should have CPR training, at the very least.)
• Who else will be in the home while the children are there? The provider’s parents? Teenaged children? It would be wise to meet everyone who would be in contact with your child.
• Does the provider have a disaster plan for tornadoes, earthquakes, etc.? What are the details?
• Is there a daily routine, or does the provider just keep watch over the children while they play? Are you comfortable with the amount of time the children watch TV and with the shows they’re allowed to watch?
• Does the provider have enough insurance to cover any injuries your child may incur while in their care?
• Do you need to send food with your child, or is it included with the fee? If it’s included, does the food provided meet with your nutritional preferences? Does the menu provide for food allergies?

The bottom line when looking at in-home providers is that you want someone who takes their role seriously and plays by the rules rather than someone who decided to “babysit” other people’s kids just to make some extra money. You want someone who sees it as a calling, not a side gig.

Touring childcare centers

Many of the things you should look for when touring a childcare facility are the same things you should look for with an in-home provider: licensing, safety protocols, insurance, etc. But here are some additional things to look for:

• The knowledge and openness of the person giving the tour: Do they welcome questions? Can they answer all of your questions? Do they seem to be hedging or avoiding answering certain questions?  
• Does the person giving the tour ask about your child and their needs/preferences?
• The adult-to-child ratio: Does the center seem understaffed? Are crying children left unattended? For older children, does staff immediately intervene in spats over toys?
• Routine: Does the center seem orderly, or does chaos reign? Look for signs of some type of structure, such as different areas for reading, playing with blocks, etc.
• What is the outside play area like? Is there room enough for the children to get plenty of exercise? Is the equipment safe and well-maintained?

Since childcare centers tend to be more structured than in-home daycares, it’s important to find out how flexible they are in accommodating any preferences or needs you have. Ask about things like: 

• Are they willing to use cloth diapers, or feed your baby with pumped breastmilk?
• Are they willing to accommodate food allergies? If so, how will they make sure your child isn’t exposed to dangerous allergens?
• How do they handle discipline for older kids?
• Do they typically hold crying babies or let them cry it out? Are they willing to follow your preferences?
• If your baby is eating solid foods, will they allow you to send your own food to accommodate your family’s dietary style (organic, vegetarian, non-GMO, etc.)?

Those are just a few of the questions you might want to ask. You know what’s important to you and your family, and you shouldn’t be shy about asking.  You’ll be spending a good chunk of money on childcare, and you have every right to make sure a particular center is a good fit. Even if they’re popular enough to have a long waiting list, never forget that you’ll be the one paying them, not the other way around!

Consider other factors that may be important to you

After you’ve visited your top choices, it’s time to consider a few other factors that might rule one or more of them (possibly even your favorite) out. While they may seem minor if they don’t apply to you, they could be show-stoppers for other families. And finding out early could save you a lot of trouble down the road.

• Do they close for federal holidays, or when the local schools are closed? If so, how hard will it be for you to find back-up care?
• What is their policy for vacations? Do you have to pay for the time your family will be away?
• If you’re a teacher, will they hold your spot over the summer? Or do you have to continue paying over the summer, even if your child doesn’t attend every day?
• How does the provider keep you informed of your child’s progress and well-being? Many providers give you a daily “report card” that details everything down to how many times your child pooped. Others schedule conferences at regular intervals to let you know how your child is progressing. How much communication do you need?
• Many centers now have apps that let you check in on your child throughout the day. If you want to be able to see what your little one is doing during the day, ask the center if they use one of the many apps available. 

There are so many things to consider, and every family has their own list of things that are important to them.

When the big day finally comes

It’s never easy to leave your baby for the first time, even if you’re looking forward to going back to work and building a new routine. But we hope this guide will help you find your “Mary Poppins,” whether that means a nanny, an in-home daycare, or a childcare center. We want you to feel confident in your choice and to know that you did your due diligence during the selection process, so that you can drop your baby off with a kiss and a cuddle, knowing that they’ll be well cared for until you come back.